My Stolen Moments

khoye@berklee.net — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 22:44:28 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i love rubato

khoye@berklee.net — Mon, 30 Oct 2006 08:08:55 GMT

hi hi hi im alive and here and actually writing a journal entry.

I'm in great need to get out my frustrations and feelings because those who I live with ie mom and dad arent really picking up on my utter unhappniess.

I am so lonely. I have never in my whole life felt this extreme longing for someone who I'm not with. Every Sunday, or Monday, when he goes back to Santa Barbara I feel completely alone and stuck. I go through the week hating school and only looking forward to the moment when I can see him again. And then the weekends go by so fast - all of a sudden it's Sunday again, and I'm crying for hours. Dreading the week in front of me. Each day and each class seems so long and pointless and I have NO MOTIVATION. School sucks - I swear to God I'm sctually thinkning (and I never thought I would say this) but I kind am thinkning that Berklee was better. I don't think it was a mistake that I left - it was the decision that I made because I was stuck there - all comsumed by the wickedness of one and the feeling of not learning. Now I'm here, lonely most of the time. I don't live in a dorm, or a friendly apartment like the BF where there were people around, instead parents go to bed at 10 and then I'm stuck up until midnight feeling lonely. I'm so SAD im just crying i dont even want to do work. Thing is that if Greg were here, and we were living together again, I would love life. I would find everything fun again like I did last year. I would ever like school and I would have motivation to wake up everyday............................................................................................... I can't even feel stupid about this stupird journal entry because I'm so depressed. We've been doing this for a month and I have no idea how I'm gonna do it continuously this year. I feel worthless and useless and so incomplete without the person that I love. I have to stop I have to call Nikki because I don't want her to think that I don't think of her and I have to call Cayman and wish here a happy belated birthday. I have toooooooooooooooo

khoye@berklee.net — Thu, 28 Sep 2006 04:40:31 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VERONICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You better be WASTED and watching Project Runway!

Thinkin' of you!

whaaaaaaaaaa?

khoye@berklee.net — Thu, 27 Apr 2006 21:26:57 GMT

I GOT INTO UCLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BITCHES!

Stolen from Vero

khoye@berklee.net — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 22:07:44 GMT

My Essentials:

Create your own Music List @ HotFreeLayouts!

Why?...........is this what I have chosen to write about after so long?

khoye@berklee.net — Thu, 06 Apr 2006 22:20:06 GMT

I never write.

This is me writing.

I've recently been thinking, quite frequently in fact, about past relationships (if that wasn't a Carrie beginning then I dunno what is). Does anyone else find it completely bizarre that there are people who we know so well, spend so much time with, possibly get to know inside and out, and then all of a sudden we wake up one day, and we don't know them anymore?

I knew him. I knew what he was thinking all the time. We thought we were in love. We truly believed that we were utterly and totally in love. We would lie together for hours and just bask in the pounds of love that we had for each other. We shared the important coming-of-age experience that so many teenagers like us shared. I hurt him so much and I know that he didn't get over it for a long long time. We walked around the town, in this new place, with new people, and loved that we were trying it all out together. I thought about him constantly, and I knew he was thinking about me at the very same moment. He was my other.
.
.
And now he is no longer in my life at all. He is merely a facebook page, that sometimes when I'm feeling sentimental about that place that I left so confidently, I visit, and like a freak ex-girlfriend I read your profile, and your comments, and look at your pictures, and try to get a feel for how you live these days, now that we are no longer connected in any way. I've turned from and other, into a person, into a memory, me to you and you to me. Sometimes I look at the pictures you have with those you've been with since me, your new others, and I can't help but make comparisons. I look at the pictures and read the comments, spotted with "love yous!" and "lol muahs" and even though it makes me sick to my stomach to think that you were once mine and now no longer, I realize that this is all natural. She's not prettier than me, more photogenic perhaps, but not prettier. And I know for a fact that the sex with her was not as real. You told me so yourself.
.
.
Weird and strange, and all part of leaving things behind. It's still strange to think that we were once so much a part of each other, and now are nothing at all. I think of him sometimes, and I wonder so much if he ever, even for a second thinks of me. Are these thoughts, if they exist, filled with scorn and resentfulness? Mine are not.
.
.
And the truth is, I have a new love, since you, and he is now what you once were. You are the same - with little differences. And I'm sure you have a love and a life, as you should. But it's still so weird to think that we were once so much ingrained in each others souls, and now are nothing.

helloooooooooooo

khoye@berklee.net — Sun, 08 Jan 2006 22:39:52 GMT

Okay, so I thought that maybe, since I've been MIA for a long time now, I would update, and write about my life, and look at it on paper.

I got good grades. I thought my first semester back in real school would be extremely difficult, but out of five classes I got 3 B's and 2 A's. Fine with me.

I'm going to RI next weekend and I can't wait to see Nikki!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P.S. Jamie, are you going to be in Boston this weekend? I think you should arrange it. P.P.S. Jess - you and me and nikki dinner on Saturday night.

New Years was fun for the first time in a long time. My two goals were 1. To not throw up, and 2. For my boyfriend not to sleep with somebody else like last year. I reached my goals!!!!!!!!!! Yay.

I miss those people who it seems I no longer have a friendship with. I'm not talking about Baston people, because some of THEM I know I'll always include as my friends. I'm talking about people who don't seem to want to include me in their life anymore. I don't know what to say, except that I miss them.

And no matter how stupid this sounds and no matter how much some people don't wanna hear about this shit and don't care, I need to say it:

I'm in love with a boy who looks so so good in collared shirts. I love him and it feels great.

There are good things here.

khoye@berklee.net — Sun, 18 Dec 2005 22:20:10 GMT

NIKKI ERSKINE I AM COMING TO RHODE ISLAND JANUARY 13 - JANUARY 18 I MUST SEE YOU! I CAN'T CALL YOU BECAUSE I HAVE NO WORKING CELL PHONE AND I LOST FUCKING EVERYONE'S NUMBER!

Okay I'm trying to see what my scedule will be like. Will you be in Boston? I can't even fucking remember. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

so call me at home at some point (310)455-4224. Happy Christmas!

Stolen from Janue

khoye@berklee.net — Sun, 13 Nov 2005 19:56:40 GMT

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me (annonymous, if you must). It can be anything you want, either good or bad.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

Just wanted to voice that:

khoye@berklee.net — Wed, 19 Oct 2005 02:08:14 GMT

The new Aslee Simpson CD is.............

FUCKING AMAZING!

Everyone who I know likes Ashlee (you know who you all are aka Janue among others) go and pick dat shit uuuuuuuuuuuup!

khoye@berklee.net — Mon, 17 Oct 2005 22:48:20 GMT

Which Sex and the City Player Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

There ya go Jamie. If you look through my old LJ's there's one entry with like 6 different "Sex &TC" quizzes. The only problem is that I can't really take them honestly; I just can tell all the Carrie answers.

I MISS YOU GUYS IN THE BF A TON OMG IM FREAKING OUT I WANT TO COME VISIT AND STAY WITH YOU GUYS AND TAKE PART IN ALL THE FUN STUFF YOU ARE DOING EVERYDAY JANUE CLICK CLICK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

khoye@berklee.net — Mon, 10 Oct 2005 02:07:30 GMT

It's insane how no matter how hard you try to forget certain things (i.e. bad days, icky people you've slept with, bad results of...anything), sometimes those unpleasant memories have a tricky way of pushing themselves right back up to the front of your mind.

newlifenewlifenewlifenewlifehereherehere.

I miss Cayman.

khoye@berklee.net — Sat, 01 Oct 2005 04:48:06 GMT

I want to tell him.....

that I'm afraid he can never love me the way I want and need to be loved.

khoye@berklee.net — Tue, 20 Sep 2005 21:19:38 GMT

I don't think I can possibly put into words how fucking excited I am to see the next Harry Potter movie. Oh. My. God.

Real posts are lame.

<3

bonifreeeeeeeeeeeee

khoye@berklee.net — Sat, 03 Sep 2005 02:40:52 GMT

Fine I'll give into you people.

1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.

1.~How did you meet nyuwhore? Hamilton Bitchessssss
2.~What would you do if you had never met g00rizzace? I wouldn't know what steamed-up-from-the-inside-because-of-sex car looks like...
3.~What do you honestly think of lemonshoe? looooooooooove. and much misses.
4.~Would or did laactress and willsingforfood go out? hahaha. If they liked women, they would surely be married.
5.~Have you ever liked jazzitup85? no she has no peeeeeeeenis.
6.~If telemainiac died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would need him/her to know? That I wish we could have had a better chance at actually being together.
7.~Would thedirtyhippie and alas_cries make a good couple? hmmmmmmmmm. I would say. Too much inter-dating.
8.~Describe bostonlikewhat in 3 words: loud. hot. loud.
9.~Do you think kittenbarn is hot? yessssssss
10.~Would telemainiac and blahlalovely13 make a lovely couple? ooooo maybe!
11.~What do you think of when you see willsingforfood? when can we smoke?
12.~Tell me something humiliating about alas_cries: I wish I knew some jiucy shit but I just dont.
13.~Do you know any of baycxhiippo's family members? yes I know mommy and daddy, and I know that she has awful family down here on my side of the state.
14.~What's laactress's favorite color? fuck dude. Green?
15.~On a scale of 1-10 how cute is lesbian_pimp? -08723480236596. That means a 10.
16.~What would you do if fortissimo14 just professed their undying love for you? I would say "Lisa I'm not a horse!"
17.~What language does laactress speak? english yes.
18.~Who is mariexthree going out with? Her long-term boyfriend
19.~Is homedawghay a boy or a girl? a bitch.
20.~Would febekis and fortissimo14 make a good couple? ummmm maybe.
21.~Who do you think everypoisonrose would be great with from this list? Since there are hardly any boys on this list, I would say none are good enough for her.
22.~When was the last time you talked to kittenbarn? May
23.~What is jazzitup85's favorite band? Britney Spears
24.~Does thedirtyhippie have any siblings? I have no idea.
25.~Would you ever date baycxhiippo? no she has no peeeeeeeeeenis.
26.~Would you ever date bostonlikewhat? no she has no peeeeeeeeeenis.
27.~Is everypoisonrose single? yep.
28.~What is laactress's last name? Glass
29.~What is febekis's middle name? omg I need to know this.
30~What is lemonshoe's fantasy? no clue. Sex in a film editing lab?
31.~Where does homedawghay live? the Vaaaaaaaaal
32.~Would you make out with nyuwhore? yeah sure.
33.~Are g00rizzace and baycxhiippo best friends? Yes! As a matter of fact they are very good friends!
34.~Does bostonlikewhat like laactress? I think so.
35.~How did you meet febekis? Hamilton Bitchesssss.
36.~Is kittenbarn older than you? yes by about 1 year.
37.~Is blahlalovely13 the sexiest person alive? omg of course.

I want summer back.

pooooooooooooooooooooooooooop

khoye@berklee.net — Wed, 24 Aug 2005 02:33:54 GMT

One day, I want to be married to a great man. A man that saves the world, creates spectacular things, and is respected and honored by many people. A great man. And I want to be the woman by his side.

Omg that sounds so corney, but it's true. I feel that way when I see great men talk about the women they love. le sigh.

Vero's party this weekend is gonna be off the hoooooooooooooooooooook.

My relationship with my le iPod is going down the drain. We've been quite dysfunctional for a while now, and I tried to fix things the other day, but he's very unwilling to cooperate. Argfuckingshitcockballs.

I also start school next week. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I can't do real school!

bored

khoye@berklee.net — Thu, 18 Aug 2005 06:41:43 GMT

Bijouna1's LiveJournal Slut Stats
The below percentages indicate what Bijouna1 has done with the 31 people on her friends list!

met

100.0%

hugged

100.0%

dated

3.2%

kissed

22.6%

seen topless

29.0%

seen naked

19.4%

phone sexed

0.0%

made out

6.5%

oral sex

0.0%

fucked

0.0%

What are your LiveJournal Slut Stats?
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khoye@berklee.net — Sat, 13 Aug 2005 20:10:25 GMT

My Mother is so much stronger than all of us.

I love you Murphy.

I hope they have beaches and seagulls in doggie heaven.

Goodnight.

From Jillian, whom I love.

khoye@berklee.net — Tue, 09 Aug 2005 23:20:33 GMT

I came across this great page which predicts your future Love life with the help of a set of advanced mathematical calculations based on the concept of human psychology. It is extremely accurate as long as you have answered the set of 15 questions honestly and seriously. This award winning website was developed by a group of renowned psychologists. Even if you're still skeptical, just go ahead and try it for yourself, after all, you have nothing to lose!

Hint: You won't regret this!

Click on the link below, and remember, be honest!
http://www.crush007.com/love.cgi?id=1123623590jry

eeeeeeew

khoye@berklee.net — Thu, 04 Aug 2005 03:43:46 GMT

I seriously need to not check facebook as often as I do. I check it whenever I check my e-mail, which is usually some time every day or every other day. However, I'm going to stop, or maybe just stop fucking around, because I literally feel sick when I read some of the profiles written by girls from my OLD school (yes, it is now officially the school I USED to go to). Seriously, if I read one more profile of a pretty girl who is a fucking business/voice performance major...........who like talks like a whaaaaaaaa? like a fucking like valley girl.............. I will surely vomit.

I truely hope that there are people with more depth at UCLA, when I finally go there.

All my clothes smell like mildew!

khoye@berklee.net — Wed, 03 Aug 2005 08:16:13 GMT

Tonight is the the first time I will sleep in my bed in about the last two weeks. It's bittersweet.

I'm debating whether to change my facebook status to "in a relationship" but that just might be silly. Aw. I want to. I want to scream it from the rooftops. Not that I have a boyfriend, but that I like him a lot...........................................................
smiles. lots of them.
many would think i've vanished off the face of the earth. look i'm even losing my ability to use capitol letters in the appropriate places. i'm so fuzzy.

welcome back vero, btw. Hope NY was lovely!
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one day i may write about something worth reading.

That's that.....

khoye@berklee.net — Mon, 25 Jul 2005 06:54:49 GMT

Ok I'm just gonna say it, even if only here:

I want him to be my boyfriend.

I wish it were that easy.

khoye@berklee.net — Tue, 19 Jul 2005 03:16:13 GMT

Ok can I please please indulge? Last night was really lovely. Completely comfortable, fun, relaxed, and overall totally enjoyable. I have hope now, even if it's just a little. It makes me smile to think about it.

Alright I'm done. I will now return to being bitter and angry :)

khoye@berklee.net — Sun, 17 Jul 2005 09:28:17 GMT

Damn god damn. In the beginning I was just a little frustrated and now I'm a lot frustrated. Ugh. bleh bleh on me and my undsireableness.

I thought that maybe, just maybe, he would come over, rather than going home to sleep. It would have been so romantic to tell me you're not coming, and then not give me a kiss goodnight, and then just show up at my house because you actually do like me, and you're not getting bored with me yet. Or rather, you're not disappointed by the fact that I'm been more comfortable around you, and now that we've gotten to know each other better, you're not impressed or happy about what you've found.

Something is wrong with the way I'm thinking about this. I want things to just be happy again. I want to believe everybody when they say that you actually do like me. Maybe I'm a bad kisser.

This is what I've been thinking. I'm gonna lay it on the table, right here. When we met, you were just a conquest. But then something made me think about you. However you are probably the most ambiguous man I have ever met. I can't tell what you're thinking, whether you're happy or bored, what you think we're doing. Sometimes when I think about you I know that I could do better. I know that I could get a man, who was groomed better, and wanted to treat me like a princess. But the more I thought about the two of us actually being in a relationship, I thought that it could be really nice. I thought we could be cute. Sometimes I really want to be the woman that you actually want to be with, rather than fuck a few times and move on. I've tried to listen to other people, when they encourage me about our situation. But then you go and disappoint me. You make me feel like I'm just not that woman. Sorry. Thanks for playing.

You know what's the saddest part of this entry, besides EVERYTHING. The fact that I had a little bit of hope for you coming over here tonight, as one can read earlier, but now that I've had time to write this whole thing, you're already at home. Hope it's fun, and I hope you're as lonely as I am right now.

For now, I'm gonna get into my pajamas, get into my bed which I have not yet had the chance to sleep in alone since I set it up, and read my new Harry Potter.

The very emo point to this whole scpeal: I definitely know I don't need you, but that doesn't mean that I don't want you.

Freezing!

khoye@berklee.net — Wed, 13 Jul 2005 08:29:35 GMT

So right now I am at the house that Hayley is house sitting, but she fell asleep around 11:30, and I'm not tired. So I watched two episodes of The OC: Season 1, and I just realized that I'm totally starving, because the last time I ate was a burrito at about 6:00. There is fucking NOTHING to eat in this house! Seriously, everything is either fat free diet shit, or totally inedible. The only thing I found was cheese in the fridge, and then I broke a knife trying to cut it, because I'm a genius. Plus this house is FREEZING because the Air Conditioning is on. BUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRR! I want to go home and eat real food. Maybe I will, but I dont wanna just leave Hayley. That would be super mean. But I'm so hungry!!!!! The more I think about it, the more tempting it becomes. I am a freak.

I want Hayley to wake up I'm lonely! And freezing! And hungry!

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.